Warning- Heavy Topic

Preface: I don't usually write about this topic, because I know it's a hot button and very emotional topic. I know that I get very emotional about it and I know that it could hurt people and make them feel that I judge them. I don't. Truly, I don't.

I just started the book Unwind by Neil Shusterman and frankly, it's breaking my heart. Granted, my heart was already feeling pretty cracked and shakey before I even started reading this book, so it wasn't too hard for it to start fracturing along the fault lines. But I think the part that is hurting me the most is that though in Shusterman's imaginary America abortion has been abolished, parents not wanting their babies and innocent people dying hasn't changed. At one point, one of the characters muses, "Which was worse...to have tens of thousands of babies that no one wanted, or to silently make them go away before they were even born?"

I think that people who believe in pro-life kind of believe that if abortion could only be made illegal, everything would change and lives would be saved. People would change. I may have even thought this at some point. But, as my brother often says, you can't legislate morality. No law can change someone's heart or feelings. No law will change that gut-wrenching desperation, fear, hopelessness and overwhelming feelings of impossibility that accompany an unwanted pregnancy. Even now, married and wanting to have babies with Joe the timing right now would be awful. If I realized I was pregnant right now I would cry and not because I was happy.

But even empathizing with the women and girls who feel driven to abortions, it still breaks my heart. Maybe now it's worse because there are so many beautiful little babies showing up around me and the prospect of having my own becomes more and more real. Holding my dear friend Amanda's baby was magical- she was so tiny, I'd forgotten how tiny a newborn is. And she was perfect and sassy and pink, raising her eyebrows at me and giving me looks of "seriously, your hands are cold" through slitted eyes. She is wonderful. And wanted. So wanted. We'd prayed for her and loved her all through those nine months. And all through those nine months and the pregnancies of other friends and aquaintances I thanked God that these babies are wanted. That they will be loved and cherished. And that thought gave me some comfort. Because there's nothing I can really do about abortions or abused and neglected children that some would say are better off dead. I can give money to organizations that help them, I can always be ready to take one of them into my home, I can pray for them; but day to day I can't really stop what's happening to them. But I can love the children around me. I can love my own, even if they show up unexpectedly. That will count for something, I hope.

Mother Teresa once said, "Please don't kill the child. I want the child. Please give me the child. I am willing to accept any child who would be aborted, and to give that child to a married couple who will love the child, and be loved by the child." She did it too. She took any baby that was brought to her by a mother that wouldn't or couldn't care for it. I don't want to start some Pro-life/Pro-choice debate. I'm not looking to make enemies or hurt anyone. I know and deeply love people who have made the choice to end their pregnancies and even though I grieved for them and their babies, it didn't make me love them any less. That's why I think Mother Teresa's example of using love, not anger or violence or debate or even laws, to bring the change she wanted to see in the world was so admirable. She didn't try to argue with people or change them. She opened her arms to everyone. She made it her goal to love everyone. And that is mine as well. And if by some miracle, anyone ever runs across this blog who is pregnant and doesn't want that baby, I want it. I will help you. God will help me to do it.

Butter Rum

Seriously, is there a better lifesavers flavor than butter rum? I had nearly forgotten about this tiny circle of bliss when my coworker brought them in. And now I am savoring one here in the silence of my office. Alone. With tastiness.

Oh butter rum lifesaver, you make me think of creme brulee and all its deliciousness. And I long for that creamy dessert...

Now, I'm officially rambling.

Here is what is currently distracting my mind:
 ~ I have cried an inordinate amount this weekend due to movies and TV shows. We just saw UP which is basically a sobfest, I revisted Sleepless in Seattle which I can never get through dry-eyed, and much to my horror (I literally avoided watching the end of Dr. Who series two because I was dreading this moment so much) Rose Tyler and the Doctor are SEPARATED maybe FOREVER. Oh, that single tear coursing down David Tennant's cheek just plucked at my heartstrings

~I'm obsessing about reading every book on a 100 Must-Read book list Shana sent to me months ago. Obsessing. I think about it more than is normal, I'm sure of it.

~ Cross-stitching for baby Murphey. Can I finish before he makes his debut as an independent being on this planet??

The End.

Office Forwards

All the time I get the goofy office forwards in my inbox. Most of the time they are so stupid or crude I can feel my brain cells dying while I read it:

Brain Cell: No no no! Don't even open it! DON'T DO I- AAAAYYYIIIIEEEEE.... ~cough cough~ (dead)

However, sometimes they are amusing like the one I received today with crazy animals. And I BURST out laughing and terrified everyone. Which is why I now have a print out from today's office forward hanging in my cubicle that says:

HAHAHAHAHA

As a side note to cranky people who act like the Twilight books are some sort of downfall of civilization (hello people, reality TV?), I have a few questions:

1. Did someone tie you to a chair or in some other way remove your freewill and force you to read them?
2. Have they (the books) in some way hurt you?

If the answer to both of these is "No" shut yer trap and move on with your life! People can read what they want to read and that's that. Sure, I think that certain books are drivel but if that's what people want to read instead of Salinger, what can I say? At least they're reading! Sheesh.

That's Amore

I was just doing a little reading/editing of a story an inspiring Lindsay wrote and got quite the shove when the following words showed up on the page:

We are one in the spirit,
We are one in the Lord
We are one in the spirit
We are one in the Lord
And we pray that our unity
May one day be restored
And they'll know we are Christians
By our love, By our love
And they'll know we are Christians by our love

A song I haven't thought of in years and years, but an idea I've been thinking about almost constantly for the past few weeks and one that has hovered in the back of my mind for much longer.

A couple weeks ago I was staying at a friend's house and had the immense pleasure of meeting his mother. She and I bonded immediately, feeling completely comfortable talking about the most awkward of subjects. When she asked me about my beliefs, I felt utterly at ease telling her about my Christian faith even though I knew it was not something we had in common. While we talked I finally, in a desperate desire to express my deepest beliefs and, in what I believe was God giving me the right words to express my heart, I told her what I have seen and learned from my parents: that love is what really matters. And that truly trying to genuinely love God and love the people around me takes up all of my efforts and leaves little time for worrying about the many questions for which we have no answers.

Jesus, when asked what was the greatest of all of the commandments answered, "The most important one is this: 'Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself .' There is no commandment greater than these."

Whenever I read those verses I dream. If only we would really do it. If we could all unify in love and not bicker about when to baptize or what will happen in heaven or how much to tithe or the million other things that divide the family of Christ from one another. A terrible division. And beyond that family, I imagine (a lot like John Lennon) what it would be like if I could truly learn to love everyone. If I could see the overwhelming, beautiful, priceless value in every person, in spite of my personal feelings. Is it possible to disagree, yet still love? And not just a mild kind of, "oh sure, I love that person cuz God says I gotta" type of love, but the kind that makes you really go the extra mile. The kind that Jesus talks about the Good Samaritan having or when he says that if you see someone without a coat, take yours off and hand it over. (Ouch. I love my coat.)

It seems impossible in my own life, let alone on a global scale. But there are hints and glimpses of the great love we're capable of and the wondrous results; enough that I want to see more. I want to see how much we can do. And for the sake of heaven, I want people to know we are Christians by our love not by our rules or judgements or politics or creepiness. And when I say I'm a Christian, I want to  leave it at that and not need to go any further because does the rest really matter? Do we need to say anything else if we're walking in His steps? I hope not because boy oh boy can I get tongue-tied.

Brilliant

A strange thing has occurred since I returned to work this week after a trip to England to see the sights and my brother and sister-in-law. People would come up to me and say something like, "soooo... how was England?" in a tone of voice that suggested that it most likely sucked. They would often follow this up with a story about how their mother hated England with a firey passion or how they had heard that the British are much meaner to Americans than even the French. Oh, and English food is terrible. And so is the weather. (PS SARA- What a STUPID trip to take. Oh, wait, your brother lives there and you were visiting him? Oh. Oh, ok.)

I found it all very shocking because in spite of my amusement at how poorly the UK was able to deal with their snowfall and how incredibly expensive things are (except at Poundland! where everything is a pound! wooohoo!) I very much enjoyed England. And here are some reason why I think Britain is GGRRRRR-eat (HA)

First, in the food category (take that!)
Black Currants!
Please America. Please. Please please please bring these back into the mainstream. They are delicious and I love the flavor, especially in tea. I'm begging you.

Pheasant!
And other game birds. We just don't eat a lot of game birds here and I think that's a shame because I like them. So there.

Desserts (aka Puddings!)
Seriously, in America, I barely ever am tempted to order dessert because everywhere has the same things- cheesecake, ice cream, some sort of brownie. Blah blah blah. I know I'm weird, I know that, but I love custard. Love it. And in England it is so easy to find a pudding served with hot custard! Amazing. And Harry Potter is right, treacle tart is delicious. I have to learn how ot make that...

And those are just the stand outs. We also greatly enjoyed the curry, cornish pasties, chips of course and Joe was crazy about mushy peas (they did not win me over though I admit they are better that regular peas). Cheeses! Weird soups! It was good stuff.

Some other things about Britain that are cool:

- Derren Brown. Coolest magician/mentalist/almost scary because he's so awesome I've ever seen.

-Pantomime! A theatre production that is unlike anything I've ever seen. Think musical meets improv meets mayhem. It was so fun.

- Castles!

- British authors! CS LEWIS! TOLKIEN! (I got to go to the pub they hung out in. Where I ate the treacle tart! Which I knew about through ROWLING!)

I really could go on but people don't like to read long posts. They just look at them and think "Yikes, not even gonna try" and since I waxed eloquent about the food I have to stop now. But I just wanted people to know we had a great trip. Thanks Aaron and Becky for having us and showing us around. Thanks Joe for boldly driving on the wrong side of the road. And thanks Caerphilly Castle for still having part of the set from an episode of Dr. Who up, which piqued my interest and introduced me to an amusing show (David Tennant, you are great. Which is another thing about England- hot actors. All my most favorite eye-candy actors are British. Ow ow.).

Highlander Romance (a fiction)

Today I went to the Highlander Festival in Radford with my parents. We watched some beefy folks compete in some traditional highland games like caber tossing, hammer throwing and chucking a hay bale (they called it a sheaf) over a high pole. There were two stand outs. A giant redheaded man and a ripped brunette chick. We believe that maybe they are married and in love. This is how I imagine their courtship progressed:

"Hey lass, I've never seen anyone toss a caber like ye"
(tosses her hair and looks tough) "Aye, I be the toughest lady-caber tosser in all of America."
"You're a mighty bonnie lass, want ta get a pint down at the pub?"
(keep in mind, these are Americans, they're just feeling the ancestral vibe from all the caber tossing, that's why they're talking this way.)
"If ye can toss that sheaf 20 feet in the air, I'll go with ye."

Let me tell you, he had no problem tossing that sheaf that high.

"Now will you go to the pub with me?"
"Yes, but don't buy me Guinness. I hate Guinness."
"You are the perfect woman!!"
(the highlanders are Scottish, not Irish)

The rest is history. They now travel together, sharing their love and competing in highland sports. Someday they will have very strong babies.

An Amazing Moment

So, I will confess, this week, I watched "Dancing with the Stars" for the first time. Kelly Osbourne, the foul-mouthed daughter of the famed Ozzie had decided that "Dancing" was a way to become more of a lady and make her parents proud. She really did a lovely job performing the foxtrot, but the show-stopping moment (for a softy like me) was seeing her proud parents just looking completely blown away. Her mom was straight up weeping. Precious.

I just had a moment like that. This weekend Joe and a lot of other poor Newhouse students are working a lot and sleeping very little during the annual (thank God it's only once a year!) Fall Workshop. During this Thursday through Sunday stress-fest the students descend on a town near Syracuse and create photo/multimedia/video stories about whatever they can find. They all hole up in a building (in this case a firehouse) and consume large quantities of caffeine and pizza while editing, capturing, (maybe gently weeping in some cases) and basically working their poor little butts off.

As a way to thank the community they descend upon, there is a "Community Slideshow" where the subjects of the stories, the students and whomever else can come and see some of the work that has been done thus far. We arrived a little late (I was tagging along with Joe and some others working on some more touches for their stories), so I didn't see everything. When we snuck in the photos of the various students were going by. Suddenly, the photos went to videos. Joe had the second video. The audience, who up until this point had been, for the most part, silent aside from a few titters, erupted. People were laughing at all the right moments and just having a great time. And then, when his video ended, the entire audience applauded. Right in the middle of the show. It was amazing. The only time the audience applauded that night, aside from after the show ended, was for my husband's video. I am shamelessly bragging. I get to, I'm his wife. I am so incredibly proud of him, I want everyone to know. It was just so satisfying and overwhelming to hear this audible reaction to the way I feel about my amazing, talented Joe.

Now, I know you all probably have a lot of questions for me like, Sara, what's it like to be married to someone famous? I'll just say, I have always known that wherever Joe was (and is) going in his life would be an adventure. I'm just glad I get to be part of it. Even the bits that include me guarding camera equipment at a high school dance. (Dang, some of those dresses were SHORT.) And from what I can tell, there's gonna be some awesome stuff coming down the pipe.