Warning- Heavy Topic

Preface: I don't usually write about this topic, because I know it's a hot button and very emotional topic. I know that I get very emotional about it and I know that it could hurt people and make them feel that I judge them. I don't. Truly, I don't.

I just started the book Unwind by Neil Shusterman and frankly, it's breaking my heart. Granted, my heart was already feeling pretty cracked and shakey before I even started reading this book, so it wasn't too hard for it to start fracturing along the fault lines. But I think the part that is hurting me the most is that though in Shusterman's imaginary America abortion has been abolished, parents not wanting their babies and innocent people dying hasn't changed. At one point, one of the characters muses, "Which was worse...to have tens of thousands of babies that no one wanted, or to silently make them go away before they were even born?"

I think that people who believe in pro-life kind of believe that if abortion could only be made illegal, everything would change and lives would be saved. People would change. I may have even thought this at some point. But, as my brother often says, you can't legislate morality. No law can change someone's heart or feelings. No law will change that gut-wrenching desperation, fear, hopelessness and overwhelming feelings of impossibility that accompany an unwanted pregnancy. Even now, married and wanting to have babies with Joe the timing right now would be awful. If I realized I was pregnant right now I would cry and not because I was happy.

But even empathizing with the women and girls who feel driven to abortions, it still breaks my heart. Maybe now it's worse because there are so many beautiful little babies showing up around me and the prospect of having my own becomes more and more real. Holding my dear friend Amanda's baby was magical- she was so tiny, I'd forgotten how tiny a newborn is. And she was perfect and sassy and pink, raising her eyebrows at me and giving me looks of "seriously, your hands are cold" through slitted eyes. She is wonderful. And wanted. So wanted. We'd prayed for her and loved her all through those nine months. And all through those nine months and the pregnancies of other friends and aquaintances I thanked God that these babies are wanted. That they will be loved and cherished. And that thought gave me some comfort. Because there's nothing I can really do about abortions or abused and neglected children that some would say are better off dead. I can give money to organizations that help them, I can always be ready to take one of them into my home, I can pray for them; but day to day I can't really stop what's happening to them. But I can love the children around me. I can love my own, even if they show up unexpectedly. That will count for something, I hope.

Mother Teresa once said, "Please don't kill the child. I want the child. Please give me the child. I am willing to accept any child who would be aborted, and to give that child to a married couple who will love the child, and be loved by the child." She did it too. She took any baby that was brought to her by a mother that wouldn't or couldn't care for it. I don't want to start some Pro-life/Pro-choice debate. I'm not looking to make enemies or hurt anyone. I know and deeply love people who have made the choice to end their pregnancies and even though I grieved for them and their babies, it didn't make me love them any less. That's why I think Mother Teresa's example of using love, not anger or violence or debate or even laws, to bring the change she wanted to see in the world was so admirable. She didn't try to argue with people or change them. She opened her arms to everyone. She made it her goal to love everyone. And that is mine as well. And if by some miracle, anyone ever runs across this blog who is pregnant and doesn't want that baby, I want it. I will help you. God will help me to do it.

Butter Rum

Seriously, is there a better lifesavers flavor than butter rum? I had nearly forgotten about this tiny circle of bliss when my coworker brought them in. And now I am savoring one here in the silence of my office. Alone. With tastiness.

Oh butter rum lifesaver, you make me think of creme brulee and all its deliciousness. And I long for that creamy dessert...

Now, I'm officially rambling.

Here is what is currently distracting my mind:
 ~ I have cried an inordinate amount this weekend due to movies and TV shows. We just saw UP which is basically a sobfest, I revisted Sleepless in Seattle which I can never get through dry-eyed, and much to my horror (I literally avoided watching the end of Dr. Who series two because I was dreading this moment so much) Rose Tyler and the Doctor are SEPARATED maybe FOREVER. Oh, that single tear coursing down David Tennant's cheek just plucked at my heartstrings

~I'm obsessing about reading every book on a 100 Must-Read book list Shana sent to me months ago. Obsessing. I think about it more than is normal, I'm sure of it.

~ Cross-stitching for baby Murphey. Can I finish before he makes his debut as an independent being on this planet??

The End.

Office Forwards

All the time I get the goofy office forwards in my inbox. Most of the time they are so stupid or crude I can feel my brain cells dying while I read it:

Brain Cell: No no no! Don't even open it! DON'T DO I- AAAAYYYIIIIEEEEE.... ~cough cough~ (dead)

However, sometimes they are amusing like the one I received today with crazy animals. And I BURST out laughing and terrified everyone. Which is why I now have a print out from today's office forward hanging in my cubicle that says:

HAHAHAHAHA

As a side note to cranky people who act like the Twilight books are some sort of downfall of civilization (hello people, reality TV?), I have a few questions:

1. Did someone tie you to a chair or in some other way remove your freewill and force you to read them?
2. Have they (the books) in some way hurt you?

If the answer to both of these is "No" shut yer trap and move on with your life! People can read what they want to read and that's that. Sure, I think that certain books are drivel but if that's what people want to read instead of Salinger, what can I say? At least they're reading! Sheesh.

That's Amore

I was just doing a little reading/editing of a story an inspiring Lindsay wrote and got quite the shove when the following words showed up on the page:

We are one in the spirit,
We are one in the Lord
We are one in the spirit
We are one in the Lord
And we pray that our unity
May one day be restored
And they'll know we are Christians
By our love, By our love
And they'll know we are Christians by our love

A song I haven't thought of in years and years, but an idea I've been thinking about almost constantly for the past few weeks and one that has hovered in the back of my mind for much longer.

A couple weeks ago I was staying at a friend's house and had the immense pleasure of meeting his mother. She and I bonded immediately, feeling completely comfortable talking about the most awkward of subjects. When she asked me about my beliefs, I felt utterly at ease telling her about my Christian faith even though I knew it was not something we had in common. While we talked I finally, in a desperate desire to express my deepest beliefs and, in what I believe was God giving me the right words to express my heart, I told her what I have seen and learned from my parents: that love is what really matters. And that truly trying to genuinely love God and love the people around me takes up all of my efforts and leaves little time for worrying about the many questions for which we have no answers.

Jesus, when asked what was the greatest of all of the commandments answered, "The most important one is this: 'Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself .' There is no commandment greater than these."

Whenever I read those verses I dream. If only we would really do it. If we could all unify in love and not bicker about when to baptize or what will happen in heaven or how much to tithe or the million other things that divide the family of Christ from one another. A terrible division. And beyond that family, I imagine (a lot like John Lennon) what it would be like if I could truly learn to love everyone. If I could see the overwhelming, beautiful, priceless value in every person, in spite of my personal feelings. Is it possible to disagree, yet still love? And not just a mild kind of, "oh sure, I love that person cuz God says I gotta" type of love, but the kind that makes you really go the extra mile. The kind that Jesus talks about the Good Samaritan having or when he says that if you see someone without a coat, take yours off and hand it over. (Ouch. I love my coat.)

It seems impossible in my own life, let alone on a global scale. But there are hints and glimpses of the great love we're capable of and the wondrous results; enough that I want to see more. I want to see how much we can do. And for the sake of heaven, I want people to know we are Christians by our love not by our rules or judgements or politics or creepiness. And when I say I'm a Christian, I want to  leave it at that and not need to go any further because does the rest really matter? Do we need to say anything else if we're walking in His steps? I hope not because boy oh boy can I get tongue-tied.