Preface: I don't usually write about this topic, because I know it's a hot button and very emotional topic. I know that I get very emotional about it and I know that it could hurt people and make them feel that I judge them. I don't. Truly, I don't.
I just started the book Unwind by Neil Shusterman and frankly, it's breaking my heart. Granted, my heart was already feeling pretty cracked and shakey before I even started reading this book, so it wasn't too hard for it to start fracturing along the fault lines. But I think the part that is hurting me the most is that though in Shusterman's imaginary America abortion has been abolished, parents not wanting their babies and innocent people dying hasn't changed. At one point, one of the characters muses, "Which was worse...to have tens of thousands of babies that no one wanted, or to silently make them go away before they were even born?"
I think that people who believe in pro-life kind of believe that if abortion could only be made illegal, everything would change and lives would be saved. People would change. I may have even thought this at some point. But, as my brother often says, you can't legislate morality. No law can change someone's heart or feelings. No law will change that gut-wrenching desperation, fear, hopelessness and overwhelming feelings of impossibility that accompany an unwanted pregnancy. Even now, married and wanting to have babies with Joe the timing right now would be awful. If I realized I was pregnant right now I would cry and not because I was happy.
But even empathizing with the women and girls who feel driven to abortions, it still breaks my heart. Maybe now it's worse because there are so many beautiful little babies showing up around me and the prospect of having my own becomes more and more real. Holding my dear friend Amanda's baby was magical- she was so tiny, I'd forgotten how tiny a newborn is. And she was perfect and sassy and pink, raising her eyebrows at me and giving me looks of "seriously, your hands are cold" through slitted eyes. She is wonderful. And wanted. So wanted. We'd prayed for her and loved her all through those nine months. And all through those nine months and the pregnancies of other friends and aquaintances I thanked God that these babies are wanted. That they will be loved and cherished. And that thought gave me some comfort. Because there's nothing I can really do about abortions or abused and neglected children that some would say are better off dead. I can give money to organizations that help them, I can always be ready to take one of them into my home, I can pray for them; but day to day I can't really stop what's happening to them. But I can love the children around me. I can love my own, even if they show up unexpectedly. That will count for something, I hope.
Mother Teresa once said, "Please don't kill the child. I want the child. Please give me the child. I am willing to accept any child who would be aborted, and to give that child to a married couple who will love the child, and be loved by the child." She did it too. She took any baby that was brought to her by a mother that wouldn't or couldn't care for it. I don't want to start some Pro-life/Pro-choice debate. I'm not looking to make enemies or hurt anyone. I know and deeply love people who have made the choice to end their pregnancies and even though I grieved for them and their babies, it didn't make me love them any less. That's why I think Mother Teresa's example of using love, not anger or violence or debate or even laws, to bring the change she wanted to see in the world was so admirable. She didn't try to argue with people or change them. She opened her arms to everyone. She made it her goal to love everyone. And that is mine as well. And if by some miracle, anyone ever runs across this blog who is pregnant and doesn't want that baby, I want it. I will help you. God will help me to do it.
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