A note of thanks

I have been volunteering at a cafe designed to fund a non-profit organization that counsels and supports people affected by eating disorders. The opportunity kind of fell in my lap and I have really loved it. Eating disorders are distressingly prevalent in our society and I'm happy I can help such a great group of people as they help others.

Yesterday I was browsing over the books the cafe had on sale and ran across one called Andrea's Voice: Silenced by Bulimia by Doris Smeltzer with poems and journal entries and letters from her daughter Andrea Smeltzer. I started reading it during a lull in business because I had heard it was a pretty amazing book and I've had a really hard time putting it down. Some parts are painful to read, Doris is brutally honest. She doesn't make any excuses, her goal is complete disclosure in the hope that their story can help others. One thing that she mentions throughout that book is how she unwittingly reinforced the ideas of body dissatisfaction, unrealistic goals, dieting, etc. Ideas that had been ingrained into her, she in turn ingrained into her daughters as a societal norm. It would be hard to break that subconscious cycle.

But while I was reading this I thought of two instances in my formative years that have really helped me with this issue. It's hard to feel bad about yourself and like your body is gross. And there have surely been moments that I have struggled with those feelings. But I feel like under those moments or struggle and "fat days" I have a foundation of confidence to fall back on because of my mom, my brother and now, my husband.

When I hit puberty I hit it hard. At least hard for me. I didn't want to start wearing bras or any of those other rites of passage that made you a woman. I was satisfied where I was. So I wasn't keen on getting hips, breasts or a "womanly shape." But, I remember very clearly my mom telling me sometime that there are all different shapes and that we would never be "skinny minis" but that was okay. What mattered was being healthy and happy. And that little chat made a world of difference. I could look at myself and think, hey, I'm okay. I've got wide hips and I've got a pretty sturdy bone structure and that's cool. I can balance a laundry basket on my hips like you wouldn't believe.

Later, when it was more about boys and less about me, my brother Jason said something to me along the lines of, stand up straight, walk with confidence, be yourself and guys will like you. I remember him going on to say how different guys like different body types and he liked girls with figures like mine. And that meant the world to me. I haven't had a million boyfriends or anything, but my brother really helped me feel attractive and worthy.

Now, of course, I have my beloved husband who makes me feel great all the time (or tries to- even he can't combat a really bad PMS day). I just feel really blessed. Now I don't know if these things make or break having an eating disorder. Maybe my psyche and personality were never prone to them. But, they have given me a lot of mental peace and a measure of confidence when facing our wretched "thin culture." I just wanted to share how grateful I am to my family.